When I first got out into the dating world I expected men to care a lot more about my substance and they actually did. What they ended up caring about more was how I made them feel and how I carried myself, how I looked, how attracted they were to me. So a man is going to first value how he sees you; so are you dressing well, you take care of yourself, are you classy, you know yourself and how you make him feel. The rest of the stuff: the amazing qualities that you have in time will be appreciated and I think some men of a certain caliber will appreciate those things more than others but for the most part man is attracted to you and you make me feel good about himself that's the criteria.
That means that all their emotions toward you are technically self-centered, since they only are loving you in order for them to feel loved. Feels dehumanizing. They expect to be loved for who they are and we just get to be loved for how we make their life better.
Situationship (or Delusionship)
Why do these exist? Why am I heart broken by someone who wanted me first???? Who approved this bs
1) DO NOT PUT HIM ON A PEDESTAL (no matter how perfect and nice he is). So he carries your bag, holds your hand, asks questions about you life or even flat out tell you he likes you. That is bare minimum. Sometimes having no male attention growing up means that now you get attached to any guy that shows you affection.
2) If you talk everyday and night; you will get attached to them. This will make the heartbreak 10x more harder. At some point you don't even miss them just the attention they showed you. So don't get attached to someone you are not officially dating. I think what's hardest for a woman isn't losing the guy, it's forgiving herself for falling in love with his potential knowing damn well she saw his warning signs and inconsistencies.
3) You need to have the audacity OK because if anyone should have the audacity it's you if anyone should have the entitlement it's you. You are the giver of life, you are the multiplier you are the one going into relationships with inherent value and worth and you need to start acting like it and I swear to you being audacious will repel the low bare minimum, low effort men you don't want.
4) If they cut it off with you, let them go! Disrespect is all the closure you need, sweetheart. It's hard to do because maybe you see potential, or think about of what could have been but it's time to BFFR. Don't reach out to them and don't respond to them if they reach out. Growth is realizing you only want someone to reach out to you for your ego and not because you actually miss them. Remember: he will always be a lesson but you will forever be his loss.
How to get over him (an unserious guide)
imagine him chasing a ping pong ball
walking down a hill
unsuccessfully merging on the highway... embarrassing
And now a serious guide
Take only a few days to mourn what could have been. Don't harbour too long and put yourself in depression.
Leave the memories alone. Don't think about them because then the brain will store the memory as a longterm memory and you want that scrubbed out. Snap a hair tie everytime you think about him.
Distract yourself. Read a book, listen to empowering music, talk to family, learn a hobby. Your life does not revolve around him so act like it.
Pour all that love you had into yourself. Go see a movie, a restaurant, a hot girl walk. Buy yourself something nice. Have a green juice, learn yoga or pilates. As Lorde once sang " I care for myself the way I used to care about you"
To conclude... trust the timing of you own life because whenever YOU wake up is morning for you.
Now that June is winding down, I'm in my Komolika era. June is for summer love (Hello? Heat Waves by Glass Animals) but July and August is Hot Girl Summer (or Monsoon Girl Summer)
